


Train Station

by synthdreams



Category: Shinhwa (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:23:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synthdreams/pseuds/synthdreams
Summary: Hyesung has to go but Dongwan can't let go.





	Train Station

Quietly and slowly, he traced the line of his spine, through his silky pajama. His touch was feather soft, softer than his nightwear, softer than even his skin, so as not to awake him. He didn't want to interrupt his precious sleep.

Sleep.

He didn't know how he could sleep because he definitely couldn't... Not with all that was on his mind  Not with knowing that this would be their last night together. That tomorrow, he would be leaving him behind for a "better life" somewhere else. That tomorrow, he was going to have to say goodbye as he left.

The thought of not seeing him again troubled him more than he would ever know.

He was going. He was really, truly going. Leaving him. And he knew all of this as fact in his head. But somehow, his heart just couldn't comprehend it. He didn't know how to explain why, other than saying it was his undying love for him that wouldn't let him accept him leaving like this.

He remembered the day he said he was leaving. When he had come home to find him sitting on the couch, waiting for him. With a formal looking letter clutched in hand. When he announced to him that this relationship wasn't working for him anymore. That he'd been offered a great job across the country and he couldn’t miss the opportunity.

He had started to suggest that he could go with him, that they could try and work things out. And he wouldn't hear of it. He said he still cared about him enough not to let him uproot himself and follow him across the country when they knew how things were going to turn out.

He remembered standing by and watching him pack across this last week. When he had taken everything that he still had here, and packed it into a pair of suitcases. He wished like crazy that he was among the things he wanted to take with him.

And he remembered that same faint smile that he showed him every single time he looked at him. That same sad smile that tore at his heart.

He remembered pulling him into his embrace earlier this night and kissing the top of his head, murmuring in his ear that he was sorry for whatever it was he didn't do right. And him softly replying that it wasn't anything he did. That it was just the way things went. And he had only nodded quietly, making him think that he agreed.

He let his hand fall from caressing his back and let it fall against the covers. He was remembering what he'd said that first day when he announced that he was leaving. When he said that things weren't working anymore, he said that he doubted love could last forever. And that he thought their love had reached its end.

He told him that love could last forever, and maybe theirs wasn't over yet.

But he said he couldn't believe that.

Though he never said it out loud to him, the thought, Hyesung, I can't stop loving you, ran through his mind several times during that conversation. And in the days that followed. And it was running through his head right now.

Gently, he scooted across the space between himself and his partner. He pressed against him, reflexively contouring to his position. And he possessively wrapped an arm around his waist. Though he was asleep, he reflexively wrapped his arm around him too.

He laid a gentle, feather soft kiss on the uncovered part of his shoulder and then laid his head back down. And he breathed in the scent of him. He committed the smell to memory – though, really, it was already firmly planted there – to get him through the lonely nights that were sure to follow.

And he couldn't resist the words on his lips.

"I love you," he whispered softly. "Hyesung, I can't stop loving you."

The drive to the train station was as silent and still as it could possibly be. Hyesung didn't have anything to say and Dongwan didn't know what he could say. Everything that would be appropriate – like "Good luck somewhere else" or "It's alright" or "That's the way it goes" – would be a lie.

And everything he wanted to say, he obviously didn't want to hear.

So instead of speaking, he prayed silently to God that somehow, someway, he would change his mind. That he would give things another chance and that he wouldn't go. That things would work out right…

It was going to be futile, though, he knew. Even divine power wouldn't change Shin Hyesung’s mind once it was made up and set.

All too soon for Dongwan's liking, the car ride was over and he was parking at the station. Both of them sat frozen for a moment after he turned the car off, the realization that this was the real end sinking in. Then Hyesung opened his door and stepped out. He went to the back of the car and got his suitcases and as he was pulling them out, Dongwan sighed and stepped out of the car himself.

Here they were, standing at the end of the line, figuratively speaking. The point at which their relationship would likely end. And literally speaking, they were standing at the beginning of the line. The station from which Hyesung's train would leave.

They were running a tad late and moments after they got to the platform, the final boarding call was issued.

Dropping his suitcases, Hyesung stepped forward and wrapped Dongwan in a quick hug. He probably thought that after all that they'd been through in their relationship, a parting hug was the least that he could do. And he hugged him back with a ferocity born of his unwillingness to let him go.

Hyesung let go first and Dongwan reluctantly followed with a massive pain in his chest. Hyesung took a half step back and looked at him, offering that same sad smile that had appeared so often these past few days. And Dongwan felt like his heart was literally breaking.

He placed a quick, insignificant kiss on his lips. "Good bye," he said softly.

Dongwan tried to say his good bye in return, but the word stuck in his throat. He didn't want to say it. He didn't want this to be good bye. And though he tried, he couldn't get the word out. Hyesung didn't wait for him to say it either. He picked up his suitcases and headed towards the train.

Staring at his retreating back, Dongwan prayed that he would turn around and come running back into his arms. He didn't really expect it to happen and he wasn't surprised when it didn't. He kept on walking.

He was on the verge of tears now and it took every ounce of his willpower to keep them down. To keep them from welling up in his eyes too. He wouldn't let him see him cry…

He paused briefly as he stepped onto the train and glanced over his shoulder at him, taking one last look at what he was leaving behind. That look didn't change his mind and after that briefest of seconds, he turned forwards again and kept going.

The train whistle blew and Dongwan turned away. He turned his back on him. The moment that he did, all of his willpower was reduced to dust and the tears started to well up. As he walked back towards his car, they started to silently and painfully fall.

He was still on his mind the entire way home. He couldn't get him out of his head now and he doubted that he would be able to for several months to come. How could he ever get him off of his mind?

Maybe I'll see him again, he thought. Just maybe I will. Or maybe I won't see him again.

That thought stuck in his head for a long time. Maybe he would see him again, maybe he wouldn't. Right now, he didn't know. Maybe in the weeks or months to come, Hyesung might come to see that he was wrong. Maybe it would take him years.

One thing he knew, though, whether he saw him again or not.

He couldn't stop loving him.

**Author's Note:**

> y'all know me, i only write once a year when i'm depressed. i hope you enjoyed this piece.


End file.
